


Perfect Misfits

by EleenaDume



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Republic Commando Series - Karen Traviss
Genre: Adoption, Babies, But only to a certain extent, Darman needs therapy, Darman struggling to be a good dad, F/M, Fusion of Star Wars Legends and Disney Canon, Growing Up, I can’t write chronologically to save my life, Identity Struggles, Kyrimorut, Mandalorian Culture, Not Epilogue Compliant, OCs - Freeform, One Shot Collection, Skirata Clan, Skirata pups through the years, Takes some general inspiration from Traviss‘ original plan, book continuation, technically everyone kinda does
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:40:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23686294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EleenaDume/pseuds/EleenaDume
Summary: They were a weird community of different people that fit nowhere else in the universe and that under different circumstances, would have never met.But they were here now, and they stuck together... and somehow, this bunch of misfits fit together perfectly.Oneshot-collection that covers the years between the ending of Imperial Commando and A New Hope.
Relationships: (Past) RC-1136 | IC-1136 | Darman Skirata/Etain Tur-Mukan, Laseema/RC-3222 | Atin Skirata, Null-11 | Ordo Skirata/Besany Wennen, Parja Bralor/RC-8015 | Fi Skirata
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20





	1. Yaim

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there.
> 
> Quick heads up before we get started because that’s something that always confuses people when they first start reading my stories: if I use »« instead of regular quotation marks, it means the person is thinking something and not saying it out loud.
> 
> It is not required to know anything about Nuru before reading this. I took him out of a series of children’s books because I liked him and his relationships with the clones he worked with (especially Breaker) and then decided to have some fun with the characters while I was at it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Several months have passed since the battle of Coruscant. Everyone’s life has changed since then... and they are about to change yet again when a lost soul finally finds its way back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No, I’m not actually mean enough to kill Darman, but he did fake his own death in order to leave the Empire, making his own family think he was killed as well. The books already hurt him enough. He’s okay. Please don’t kill me.

_** Kyrimorut, Mandalore, roughly eight months after the battle of Coruscant ** _

“Boo?”

The view Fi gave his nephew was filled with helpless desperation. The child had dropped his carved wooden toy all of a sudden and gotten up seemingly out of nowhere, and was now staring towards the door.

The mandalorian hadn’t managed to bring himself to tell the boy with the teary eyes that his father wouldn’t be coming home.

Neither of them had.

Maybe Kad already knew, just like he’d known what had happened to his mother.

The galaxy was a cruel place sometimes.

A week had passed since the message had reached them that IC-1136 had been killed in an explosion along with a couple of other clones during an attack on a Jedi survivor.

Maybe he’d just been acting  jareor , blinded by rage or his desire for vengeance or ready to die protecting his brothers.

...maybe it had been a deliberate decision because he couldn’t go on like this any longer.

None of them said it out loud, but most of them had thought of it. Darman had suffered so much during these last couple of months. After everything he went through... Fi wouldn’t blame him.

The events that Parja had called Fi’s dar’yaim... they seemed rather harmless in comparison. He barely even remembered any of his time in the medical institution on Coruscant, and the parts he did remember felt hazy and far away. Darman in the other hand...

Neither of them even really knew how his mental state had been during the last couple of months. 

After learning about the Jedi at Kyrimorut, Kad had been the only person he’d been willing to talk to – and a barely two year old child wasn’t exactly the right person to talk to about how he felt mentally.

He’d apparently shut out Niner completely, not talking to him about anything but their jobs for months.  


Niner had tried talking to him... but nothing had managed to get through to him, and eventually, he’d grown tired of yelling at a wall and had deserted during one of their missions to Mandalore – kriff, Darman was the reason they’d gone to Mandalore to begin with, but somehow his initial plan to desert had been abandoned somewhere along the way, because the closer they got to Altis’ sect, the more certain Darman became that this was the one thing he actually needed to get done before he disappeared.

And then they’d helped Altis fake his own death, his sect seemingly partially killed, what was left of the sect dissolved and scattered all across the galaxy – and he’d still decided to stay, thinking somewhere in his desperation this was what he needed to do, while at the same time growing more and more aware of the fact that he was just afraid to face the truth and instead running away from it... from everything he could do wrong and everything he could never do and never be and how he might be a disappointment of a father for his son. 

That had been Niner’s breaking point, where he’d decided this had gone on long enough, and he finally needed to confront his brother with everything.

This had been their final conversation a couple of weeks ago. It hadn’t gone well... and Niner regretted his last words to his brother badly.

They all grieved differently. 

Some needed time to themselves – Kal had straight up locked himself in a room and refused to speak to anyone for a couple of days.

Atin and Laseema were pretty much inseparable.

And Fi found himself looking after his nephew a lot because it made him feel closer to his brother.

Kad... sweet little Kad who had immediately reacted to his mother’s death because he’d felt it – had shown no reaction this time at all.

Maybe Darman had been too far away when it happened, and he hadn’t been able to feel it... Or maybe he was in denial.

He was still asking for his father every day. And every time he did, Fi found his heart shattering further.

He took his nephew into his lap and rocked him back and forth gently.

“We’ll be okay, you hear me? We’ll get through this. You’re a big boy.”

Fi wasn’t entirely sure how he was supposed to move on after this. Once again, he felt useless, thinking about how things might have been different had he not been injured.

“Boo!“

He squeaked happily, both arms outstretched.

“I‘m so sorry, ad‘ika.“

The child didn’t seem to be listening, his happiness and excitement not succumbing the slightest bit.

“Boo. Bo yai.”

Fi smiled sadly.

“I wish he’d do that. Come home. I miss him terribly as well.”

“Boo yai” The boy repeated insistently and started climbing off of his uncle’s lap.

“What has come over you today, kiddo?”

Kad had been asking for his father ever since he’d started to be able to form words. That hadn’t changed since... since the message. Still, the amount of times he’d asked today was more than unusual.

The whole thing seemed incredibly strange to Fi. Kad had understood what had happened to his mother almost immediately. Yet, with his father...

Kad gently cuddled his small nerf plushie to his chest. He took it with himjust about everywhere, as if he felt like his mother was actually there with him as long as he had it. The child then proceeded to actually jump off of Fi’s lap, still calling for his father when he ran towards the door as fast as his small legs would carry him.

“Careful, Kad’ika. Don’t hurt yourself.”

His uncle got up and went after the child to keep an eye on him. If anything was to happen to Kad... none of them would be able to take another blow like this.

  
  


Kad eventually got tired while running. Kyrimorut was fairly big, after all, and his legs were short, and even though he was getting better and better at walking by the day, he’d had an awfully long day yesterday that he was still pretty exhausted from.

Fi lifted him up carefully.

“Alright, come on, kid. You wanna see what’s going on outside? Fine. We’ll go take a look at it together, then.”

The child had always been good at figuring out when something important was going on.

Bedlam had apparently broken loose outside.

Ny was back, obviously – and she had, once again, brought home a bunch of clone deserters. That was wonderful news. 

Even if they didn’t decide to stay here forever, thanks to Uthan finally finishing the cure a couple of weeks ago, they were now able to make sure their lifespans would be lengthened to those of regular human beings.  


Every clone that found his way here, even if only for a couple of days, left with a real chance to live a normal, fulfilling life – that was the thought that kept them going when everything else failed.

Four of his newly arrived brothers were standing around a hovering stretcher with a blue skinned boy – Fi guessed he couldn’t be older than fifteen, at least if his species aged somewhat similar to humans. The teen was barely moving, his hand clutched tightly around a weapon that has suspicions similarities to a lightsaber.

One of the four seemed especially upset. He was stroking the boy‘s head and talking to him softly.

If shook his head. It was more than foreseeable that not everyone would be thrilled to have yet another Jedi here... especially so soon after Kina Ha and Zey had left. Scout was staying, but that was different now that she was one of them.

Until they figured out what exactly the deal was with this kid, he was yet another liability and possible danger to Kad that they’d have to explain to-

Fi stopped short.

Of course that was where his mind went. 

And now he just felt like crying all over again.

Fi forced himself to breathe and then look at Kad to calm himself down. The child seemed surprisingly uninterested in the entire scene, instead facing the ramp of the ship excitedly... where Niner seemed to be pretty busy yelling at someone.

Kad laughed happily and outstretched his arms in the direction of the two figures on the ramp.

“Boo yai.”

When Fi finally actually looked at the clone his brother was fighting with and the realized what his nephew had said, he almost dropped the child in shock. That wasn’t... that couldn’t be... but...

There wasn’t a lot of Republic Commandos with black armor, though. And based on  what Niner was yelling, that most definitely was Darman he was yelling at. But how was that possible? For a moment, Fi just stood there, mouth agape in shock and surprise. 

He put his nephew down absentmindedly, somewhat afraid of accidentally dropping him, after all.

Kad then took matters into his own hands, slowly and unsteadily walking off towards the two fighting brothers.

“Darman, haar’chak, what is wrong with you?!  ** I felt so guilty it almost killed me, and then you just mosey in here as if nothing ever happened?! Kal’buir- ** ”

Darman didn’t let him finish.

“ **SHAB, I DON’T CARE!** ” That wasn’t entirely true, of course, but by now, he’d talked himself into rage, and he still hadn’t entirely forgiven his father for everything that had happened. “I just want to see my-”

He cut off mid-sentence when he looked past his brother, right at the little boy waddling towards them.

His voice broke and turned soft, and in the blink of an eye, all of his anger died down.

“Kad...”

For a moment, Darman just stared at the child taking his small, unsteady steps towards them, completely mesmerized.

“Da-da.”

Not even the entire universe could have held him back in this very moment. A few seconds later, he was on his knees in front of his child and stretching his arms out to pick him up.

Kad ran right into his arms, and he hugged him tightly, tears streaming down his face.

Touching his son held the cruel certainty that he’d tried so desperately to forget during the past weeks and months... maybe a part of him holding onto the naive hope that the truth would change if he just ignored reality long enough.

It was silly, and childish, and not a good or helpful coping mechanism. And it was gone now.

He just sobbed silently.

Etain was gone. Unchangeably, irreversibly, permanently gone. Forever.

The though would never be normal – or even bearable – for him... but there was so much comfort in holding their son. The last few months had been a constant back and forth between denial and sadness, anger and vindictiveness and bewilderment.

Everything had felt cold and empty and hopeless, but he hadn’t managed to find any real peace in his dark hole of oblivion.

Now, however, it seemed like he was holding what had been so desperately missing from his life during the last couple of months... like his son was the only person in the entire galaxy that could help him heal, and that he had pushed away because of how afraid he had been of facing Etain and the truth about her along with his fear of failing their son.

The few times he had managed to bring himself to talk to his son over com had helped... but this was completely different.

For a moment, Darman feared he might crush the child... but Kad just snuggled up to him in all of his young fragility and for the first time since his mother had died, he was actually able to be a child again.

Darman just held his son for a while, more at peace than he had imagined he could ever feel again, when suddenly, a distant memory found its way back into his mind.

“You were called Venku when we first met, weren’t you?”  


How could that have slipped his mind? 

Kad was... He swallowed hard. 

They’d all been asked what they would name a son of theirs back then. Kad was the name he’d picked back then... so his child’s name had been changed from Venku to Kad. 

He wasn’t even sure if she’d had a say in the name change... but even if she did, he was certain she wouldn’t have objected, no matter how attached she had been to the name she’d picked. Because that was who Etain had been... always willing to lay the galaxy... the entire universe at his feet. 

His wonderful, perfect Etain... that he’d somehow never been entirely able to convince that she was everything he’d ever wanted and more than he’d ever dared to dream... and that he had never wished for anything but to be by her side. 

She’d always felt like she wasn’t good enough, while he had never understood what a gorgeous, amazing woman like her saw in a guy like him when there were millions more like him out there that might be better and deserve her more.

He would never be able to give her back even a small part of the universe she’d handed him without ever asking for anything in return... but he could at least give their child the name she’d picked for him.

“Mommy wanted to name you Venku.”

The boy started crying. His father had no idea how he was supposed to handle seeing him like this. He rocked the boy gently, still unsure if he was even holding him correctly... and wishing way too badly for Etain to be there to show him how to do it as he closed his eyes to try to recompose himself. 

He was just even more upset when he reopened his eyes.

“Mom-my?”

“Is it okay for you if I call you Venku again?”

The child nodded... and somehow, Darman was certain that the boy had understood exactly what he had asked of him, and why.

Kad... Venku snuggled up to him, and it was as if for the first time in months, he let all his feelings out as he started crying softly.

“Boo yai.“

Darman nodded and held him tightly to his chest... this small, fragile child that looked so much like Etain that it almost maddened him... and which he knew was now his entire world and all of his hope in the future.

The name she had picked was perfect for their son.

The thought just made him cry even more.

“Yeah. Boo yai, ad’ika. I’m here now. I’ll stay wherever you are. I’m never leaving you again.”

And he truly meant it. 

Venku was his everything.

Darman stroked his head gently, and by now it was hard to tell which one of them was sobbing more.

The former soldier had been taught he couldn’t show emotions on the battlefield. Not like this. Suppressing them to act rational in battle had saved his life – and those of his brothers – often.

But it was as if Darman’s entire training was void all of a sudden. He couldn’t care less about it. It stopped mattering – for this one moment, at least.

He was allowed to cry now – as openly and loudly as he wanted, because of everything that had happened. 

They both were.

“Ni ceta. Ni ceta. Ni ceta.“

He repeated the sentence over and over again, unsure who he was apologizing to. His child? Etain? Both of them?

»I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m with him now. I’m protecting our son, Etain, I promise. Come  _ haran _ or high water, I’m protecting Venku. I’m never leaving him again. No matter what. I promise.«

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this, feedback would be much appreciated!
> 
> Parts of this are loosely based on what Karen Traviss said she wanted to do if she got to finish the series, but I did change around a lot of stuff, partially because I wanted to have more freedom in what I can and can’t do, and partially because I tend to kind of try to merge canon and legends material together which would be pretty difficult if I actually went with the whole Death Watch-plotline. (Canon gets the short end of the stick on several other things, though.)  
> Like I said, this is a one shot-collection more than it is a book, so it’s more short story based and focused on the kid(s) growing up rather than having a major, overlaying story.
> 
> Mando’a-words used in this chapter:
> 
> yaim ~ home  
> jareor ~ recklessly risk one’s life (negative connotation - foolish, not brave)  
> Boo yai (from buir yaim) ~ dad home  
> haar’chak ~ damn it  
> Ad‘ika ~ little one  
> Venku (from vencuyot) ~ future  
> Ni ceta ~ apology, literally “I kneel”, used in this context as begging for forgiveness on your knees (generally very rarely used)  
> haran ~ hell - literally, destruction, cosmic annihilation


	2. The Mando that couldn’t sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Venku has nightmares.  
> Darman tries his best to calm him down.

Darman went from fast asleep to wide awake in less than a second when he heard Venku scream.

His mind went to horrible places right away. Had someone hurt him? Was someone kidnapping him?

He didn’t dare think of anything worse. 

How had that person gotten in here?  
They wouldn’t leave the place alive, that was for sure. 

If anyone had hurt – if anyone had so much as looked askance at his little boy, they wouldn’t live to regret it. 

He grabbed his weapon in an instant, sprinting next door as quickly as he could, where his son should have been sleeping peacefully at this late hour. 

There was no time to put on the armor.

If he could gun down his opponent quickly enough, he wouldn’t need it. If it was too late, and they’d already... that wasn’t something he wanted to live with anyway. 

When the door slid open, he froze. 

There was no trespasser in the room. The sparse light that fell inside the room from the hall was more than enough for him to be able to tell that for sure. 

The small, shivering silhouette with the messy black bedhead that was hugged by blankets was unmistakably Venku. His little boy was sitting in his bed, his back facing the door as he stared at the wall and sobbed softly, his arms clutching the stuffed animal that had been his favorite toy for years. 

Darman lowered the weapon immediately. 

“Hey, ad’ika. Want me to turn on the lights?”, he asked softly, and after a moment of rigidity, his son nodded slightly. 

The room lit up immediately. Darman then closed the door, sat down on his son’s bed and put an arm around him.

The incredibly vulnerable, shivering, breathing, beautiful child clung to his arm like a young strill did to its’ first caught prey that decided its’ fate – firmly, but with a dreading uncertainty whether or not holding on would be enough for its‘ immediate survival.

Darman was so incredibly relieved that the boy was evidently physically unharmed and that nobody had kidnapped or attacked him that he almost started crying, but he just so barely managed to compose himself before that happened.

Him starting to cry would hardly help his crying child, after all.

“You just scared the heck out of me, ad’ika.”

Venku didn’t look up, he just continued to cling to his father’s arm as he sobbed softly, his other arm hugging the nerf plushy tightly to his chest. He hadn’t been able to sleep without it for years.

“‘M sorry, buir...”, he mumbled, hiding his teary face in his father’s chest.

“No, don’t apologize, I didn’t mean-”

Darman sighed and rubbed his son’s back slightly to help him calm down a little.

Even though he was trying to be the best father to Venku he could be, there were still moments like this where he felt beyond helpless around him, not quite getting across what he was trying to tell him.

“I just can’t bear the thought of losing you.”

Venku had had a bad dream again. That happened every now and again... but it hadn’t been this bad in a while.

The boy still seemed to barely be awake. Like he was somewhere far away as whatever had happened in his dream kept repeating in front of his mind’s eye.

Darman knew this expression all too well... 

He pushed the though at the back of his mind, pulled his son closer and talked to him softly.

“I’m right here, okay? If you want to talk to me about what you saw, I’ll listen.”

Sometimes that helped him feel better. Sometimes Venku would rather just nestle against him as he cried quietly. 

But today wasn’t one of these days.

The little boy swallowed hard, but he nodded in reply to Darman’s question.

Venku’s voice shook as he started speaking.

He only managed to choke out a single sentence through his tears.

What he said was barely more than a soft whisper in a breathy voice, but the effect on his father was the same it would have been if someone had shouted it into a megaphone across a public place.

“I watched mom die.”

The words hit Darman as though someone had punched him in the gut.

That wasn’t something that had crossed his mind in all the gruesome delusions that had previously played out in front of his mind‘s eye... and yet, it was almost worse – almost crueler – than everything he’d imagined.

Now the pictures were back to being razor-sharp in his mind, despite how badly he had tried to forget them... to bury them deeply at the back of his mind where he would never have to see them again.

The clone had never completely understood how the force worked... but despite knowing it was impossible, he once again had a good mind to shoot it in the shebs a couple times.

Venku shouldn’t even have remembered exactly how Etain‘s voice sounded, considering how young he had been when she’d passed away... let alone remembering the details of a death which he hadn’t witnessed and having nightmares about it.

What higher power that wasn‘t completely bonkers showed pictures like that to a five-year old?!

The only good thing about her passing away when he’d still been so little should have been that he was too small to remember her, so it should have been less painful and sad for him.

Why would the force torture him with these images? 

The thought made Darman sick to the stomach.

»Let my child sleep, damn it.«

He hugged the crying boy closely, and hadn’t he been as focused on his anger and been able to direct it at a target, he might just have started crying as well.

“Oh ad’ika...”

This was one of these moments he missed Etain even more dreadfully than usual. She might’ve been able to help their son in a way no one else could.

Telling the boy it was but a bad dream would have been lying to him, and he’d know that... so his father remained silent, hugging him tightly to his chest until finally, he picked him up.

“Come on, you can sleep in my bed for the rest of the night.”

Venku lifted his head and looked at him insecurely.

“Aren’t I too old for that? I don’t want to somehow be unmandalor-”

His father didn’t let him finish.

“Nonsense. As long as it makes you feel better you can always come next door and sleep in my bed, no matter how big you grow, alright? Sure, mandalorians are supposed to grow up earlier than most other people... but it’s fine if you’re happy taking things a tad bit slower, and it will never ever change the way I look at you, I promise. You’re the most wonderful child I could ever wish for. And considering how fast I grew up, I very much prefer you taking your time.“

Venku nodded slightly, then placed his head on his father’s chest.

Darman sighed and ruffled his son’s hair as he continued. It wasn’t hard to imagine why the child thought this way.

“Listen, grandpa Kal means well, but that doesn’t mean he always does well, okay?” 

That was something that Darman himself had had a hard time both learning and accepting.

“You being happy is way more important to me than you growing up fast.”

A couple of minutes later, the clone had carried the child and his nerf plushy over to his own room and laid them down on the bed.

Venku had calmed down a little by now. At least he didn’t seem quite as upset anymore.  
He’d stopped crying – but not because he’d swallowed his tears.

At least that was something Darman had done right when raising him... teaching him the difference between the risk of crying on the battlefield and crying when he was safely at home.

That it was alright to feel sad and that he was allowed to cry at home whenever he felt like it.

A child his age shouldn’t have to swallow his tears... especially not if he had so much more to cry about than most of his peers.

“My big boy.”

Venku had made himself comfortable on the mattress, the nerf plushy in his arms, his eye going back and forth between his father and the ceiling.

“You’re actually growing up too fast for my liking.”

He ruffled through his son’s hair.

“Seems like just yesterday I could fit your whole body on my lower arm. I miss that.”

Venku was silent for a moment.

“You miss mom a lot, don’t you?”

Apparently he had sounded more wistful than he’d thought. And he‘d never been good at hiding his emotions from his son.

Venku felt and saw things that no one else could. He wasn’t easily lied to.

Darman didn’t even try to deny it... but he wouldn’t have had the heart to do it anyway – at least not without feeling like he might be hurting Etain if she could hear him, wherever she might be now.

“Like crazy. Not a single day goes by that I don’t think of her. I see so much of her in you. It’s both scary and astonishing to me how much you are like her... and how much you aren’t.”

He tucked Venku in, turned off the lights and laid down beside him.

The little boy yawned and moved a little closer to his father, who, after a short, wistful pulling at his wrist, put his arms around his son.

“I miss her too,” Venku mumbled after a while of quiet between them, with this sad, rueful tone he pretty much always used when talking about his mother.

Safe for the terrible nightmares, the stories and the few pictures he had of her, there was barely anything he had that connected him to her, she sometimes his few real memories of her were so tarnished, so painfully far away that he was afraid of losing them forever.

It was beyond unfair how little time the two of them had had together.

Even the year after his birth that she’d still been alive, she hadn’t been able to spend as much time with him as both of them had wanted and deserved to.

And there was an incomprehensible cruelty in knowing the three of them had barely been able to share a few hours together as a family.

Somehow, Venku felt at fault for everything that had happened, even though that was beyond absurd and Darman kept repeating relentlessly that he wasn’t to blame... but how was a child his age expected to handle the feeling of missing someone so terribly that at the same time, he barely even knew?

“I’m sure she misses us terribly as well. And I hope your buir has found her peace, wherever she might be, Who knows, maybe she’s watching over us right now, huh?”

He wasn’t sure how the force or manda or wherever else she might be right now handled these things, as he had never been there, and if this was even possible. If it was, he was certain she spent a decent time of the day watching over them.

“Really?”

“Definitely.”

He kissed the boy’s forehead and smiled softly.

“And now we big boys need to go back to sleep. Mama gets mad if we don’t get enough sleep. Sleep’s important.”

The child managed a small smile.

“Okay, buir.”

Venku snuggled up to him. He’d calmed down almost entirely by now.

A couple of minutes later, he was back asleep... and Darman closed his eyes as well, surrounded by the calm certainty that neither of them would have any more nightmares today.

»If you can actually see us, cyar’ika... I hope you know I’m giving it my best, despite my mistakes. Even if it isn’t always enough.«

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mando’a-words I used:
> 
> buir ~ father/mother  
> ad’ika ~ little one  
> cyar’ika ~ darling, sweetheart

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this, and if you did, I’d be grateful for some feedback, even if it’s just a short sentence, because I get extremely nervous when posting stuff.
> 
> I don’t know when or how fast this will be updated, and the oneshots will definitely not be posted in chronological order because for some reason I can’t write chronologically to safe my life XD


End file.
